


One More Chance

by CloudDreamer



Category: The 100, clexa - Fandom
Genre: AU, F/F, F/M, Grief, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-02
Updated: 2016-09-19
Packaged: 2018-08-12 14:46:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7938592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CloudDreamer/pseuds/CloudDreamer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke Griffin has never fit in, no matter where she goes. Not even among her friends, Octavia and Raven. So when she learns Ark High is shutting down, she's not grateful for a chance to start over at a new school. </p>
<p>But when she meets popular girl, Lexa, and her upperclassman friend Anya, her world is turned upside down and doesn't stop spinning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Day

"First day of school," Abbey told Clarke. Kane, her mother's annoying new boyfriend wasn't anywhere to be found. Luckily. 

"It's not going to be much different than Ark," Clarke said. "Besides, Raven and Octavia are going to be with me. It's not like I'm going by myself." 

Clarke's mom didn't say anything. Maybe Clarke was being too harsh. 

"I'm going to be fine," Clarke said, in a less rude tone. 

"Maybe we should've taken some time off after Finn--"

"No," Clarke said, firmly. She wiped her eyes, trying not to let her Mom know how much the mention of him upset her. "It's bad enough being one of those weird Ark students. The late one will be even worse. And they'll ask why."

Why indeed. Why had he even been there? Why had he gotten that reckless? Reckless enough to get drunk out of his mind and then try to drive to Clarke's place. 

Raven still hadn't forgiven her. 

Clarke hadn't quite forgiven herself either. She looked at herself in the mirror again. She wore a plain black jacket and soft gray shirt and jeans. 

She brushed her hair. It was a tangled mess. She figured why bother keep it clean. Who cared?

"It's going to be okay, sweetie," Abbey told her. It wasn't fair. 

"I'll survive," Clarke said as she put on her boots and pulled her backpack on. "I always do." 

As she stepped outside her house, traffic flew by. She felt unsafe around cars still, so she walked down to the corner.

"Clarke!" Octavia called. She was a sophomore this year and one of Clarke's greatest friends. Clarke was also pretty decent friends with her brother, Bellamy, who was a junior with Clarke and Raven. 

Bellamy was behind her, slightly less over enthusiastic. Clarke trudged over to where they stood on the corner. 

"First day, huh?" Clarke asked. "You excited?" Octavia nodded. Her hair was loose and she wore a shirt that hung from shoulder to shoulder loosely. It was also backless and she wore leggings along with it. Bellamy just wore a t-shirt and jeans.

"Yeah," Bellamy said. 

"Have you seen Raven around?" Octavia asked. 

"Nope, she's still not talking to me," Clarke sighed. "I don't blame her." 

Silence. 

Finn was a good friend to all of them. Clarke should've known about Finn and Raven before hooking up with him-- maybe if she'd paid more attention to her friend, Finn wouldn't have died. 

"Oh," Octavia said. "Anyway. I'll walk with you if you want..." 

"It's okay. I think I can deal with being in a car if someone else drives," Clarke said, finishing the internal debate she'd been having since about a week ago. "Bellamy?" 

"Sure, princess."

"Shut up," Clarke said, flushing. She hated when Bellamy called her that. Yes, she'd ran for homecoming queen last year. So what. 

Bellamy walked off and drove the car around the corner. Octavia looked at Clarke. 

"It's going to be okay. It can't get any worse, can it?" 

Clarke smiled grimly at that. 

"I guess you're right."  
//  
"Anya, are you sure?" Lexa asked her friend. Anya shrugged as she leaned against the wall. 

They were lining up to receive their schedules. Juniors and seniors were in one line, sophomores in another, and freshman were in orientation somewhere else.

"No, I'm not sure, I'm just telling you a completely made up story," Anya said, sarcastically. 

"Come on," Lexa said. 

Anya's hair was back in a lot of different braids and her face was covered in excessive eye makeup. If it was anyone else, they'd look like a raccoon, but Anya pulled it off.

She wore a tight camouflage long sleeve shirt and jeans. She was a year older than most of the seniors-- her birthday was just around the cut off. 

"Yeah, fine, there's a bunch of new students from Ark High. I spotted one of the new girls, blond, curly or messy hair. Gaydar went off." 

"A senior?" Lexa asked. 

"I don't know-- did you want me to ask her?" Anya smirked, playing with the ring in her nose. 

"No, it's fine, I'm sure they'll be plenty of fresh meat this year." 

"You really need to get a new girlfriend eventually. It could be this year." 

"I can't," Lexa said. 

"Fine," Anya said. She knew not too push too hard and that's what Lexa loved about her mentor/best friend. "Hey, look, there some of them are." 

The new students stood out. Lexa could tell they were new because she both knew almost everyone and they were looking around lost. Polis was pretty big if you didn't know your way around. 

"Wanna do the welcoming committee?" Lexa asked Anya. "I'll save your spot." 

"Sure," Anya said, heading over to where a group of them were standing.

//  
"Hey, you guys new?" Anya asked the group. There was a girl with a brace on her leg and long black hair, who was talking to a boy with a smirk on his face.

"Yeah, I'm Raven," said the girl. "And you are?"

"Anya. Don't wear it out." 

"Aren't you a little old?" the boy asked. 

"Birthday around the cut off. Figured it was better to be the oldest in my grade than the youngest," she explained. 

"I'm Murphy," he said.

"Don't ever make the mistake of trusting him," Raven muttered. "He's a bastard." 

"Thanks, Raven," Murphy said, sounding honest. Anya shrugged. Probably Ark High's resident bad boy. She'd dealt with a few of those. 

"You lost?" Anya asked. "Registration's that way. Are you a junior or sophomore?"

"Juniors," Raven said. "Both of us." 

"That's the line. You see that girl?" Anya pointed at Lexa, who was wearing high leather boots and leggings. Her shirt was a tunic type with an infinity symbol on it that matched the tattoo on the back of her neck. 

"Yeah," Raven said. "That line?" 

"I told you it was there," Murphy told her. 

"No, you actually didn't," Raven told him. "Like I was saying, don't trust this rat." 

"Are you two friends?" 

"Nope," Raven said at the same time that Murphy said, "Absolutely not." 

Anya shrugged. Wouldn't be the weirdest friendship she'd ever seen. That award would go to Ontari and her 'friends' who all seemed to be terrified of her. 

"Anyway, see you guys around." They walked off as Anya headed over to where the girl she'd spotted earlier in the parking lot was standing. 

"Hi," the blond girl said. She crossed her arms, suspicious. Seemed a bit weird for her to be paranoid already. 

"Hello, I'm Anya. You guys know where you're going?"

"Not really. I'm Clarke," she said. Clarke. Anya thought she'd seen something in the news about a Clarke. She dismissed it-- Clarke wasn't that uncommon of a name. 

"Octavia Blake," the other girl offered. "This is my brother, Bellamy." 

"Hi," Bellamy said. 

Lexa was watching Anya. Waiting to see what she would do. Anya didn't need to turn around and check, she knew. 

"Do you guys come from Ark?" 

"Yes," Clarke answered. "It's probably just like this one." 

"I doubt that," Anya said. Lexa would definitely say otherwise. Although she hadn't been quite the same since Costia. 

She probably had a right to be upset. Still. It'd been almost a full year since than. Maybe making a new friend would help her get over Costia. 

Clarke rolled her eyes. She didn't seem very happy about being at a new school. 

"Do you guys have a plan for lunch?" she asked.

Clarke was about to open her mouth, but Octavia butted in first. 

"Nope!" Octavia exclaimed, kicking Clarke. Anya noted that, amused. 

"Want to sit with us?" she asked.


	2. Survivor's Guilt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: grief, triggering

Clarke decided the universe was stacked against her.

The older girl, Anya, apparently decided she wanted them to eat lunch together for some reason. Maybe she was a sadist. 

And, of course, Octavia recklessly said yes. It wasn't like she had common sense or anything. Anya was obviously a cool girl. She guessed from the excessive amount of eye makeup and the lip ring. 

Either that or a hipster, but the way that people's eyes stuck to her and her little minions, she guessed popular girl. 

They were at that faux anarchy stage, where it's more important to look rebellious than actually be rebellious. 

"No, absolutely not, what were you thinking?" Bellamy hissed to Octavia as they were walking away. Clarke nodded along in agreement, which wasn't a common occurrence.

"You guys want to be the rude stuck up Ark students? Be my guest, but I'm not going to wager my high school popularity status on my big brother," Octavia shrugged. 

Clarke crossed her arms. She was right about being the stuck up Ark students, but maybe she could've invited them into a not popular girl clique?

"You want to be one of them? Go around with your nose in the air, judging everyone based off their clothes?" Clarke asked.

"Isn't that basically what you're doing right now?" Octavia asked her. 

"It's different," Clarke said, weakly, although she wasn't sure how. "You know how it was like at the Ark."

"No, actually, I don't. You never had to be an outcast, Clarke, you made that choice." 

"What, like you have some kind of control over popular opinion?" she snapped, shaking her head. Clarke looked around and realized she was making some kind of scene. 

"Look, Clarke, you don't have to come with us. You can go sit in the bathroom and convince yourself nobody wants you when it's the opposite of true. What about Wells? For god's sake, look at your parents."

Clarke bristled, aggressive. Octavia was right, but she couldn't let on. She might be right, but she was crossing a line. In public? Bringing up private information she'd shared with her because she trusted her. 

"Kane isn't my dad," Clarke said, quietly. "And don't you talk about Wells. Look at you, taking any scrap of attention, just because you can."

"Did you even realize you're hurting Raven? You're saying she's not talking to you, but have you made an effort?" 

Finn's face rose into her mind instead of Raven's. A scream. The horrible crack of bone. A car driven right into her own porch. Blood everywhere. 

Clarke could barely remember it all. One. Emotion. At. A. Time. Bullet lists, hazy thoughts, tears in silence. 

Her own mind was clear at the time and she remembered it all. Too much. She tried to push down her memories but they... Kept... Coming... Up...

Something broke.

"You think that's okay, don't you? You think it's just fine to bring up my family, my memory, my life? You think that I don't miss him, do you? That it wasn't like I hadn't been in a car since this morning in so long, that it took ages of therapy to get me here, that you can just USE my trauma?" 

Clarke was screaming now. She was seeing hazy visions. Like she couldn't breathe and all she could see was red. Like Finn's blood. 

"I loved him, Octavia-- you think I'd have hurt Raven on purpose? She's my friend. You think her pain is worse than mine?" 

Clarke was taller than Octavia and she towered over her. 

"Fight! Fight! Fight!" someone was shouting. The crowd was surging forward, as if to learn the details of what happened. The details of Clarke's life.

"She wasn't there-- she didn't see him die. Yes, she hurts, but so do I. You don't use either of our pain." 

Clarke realized she'd shoved Octavia into the wall. Her muscles were pulsing with energy, her heart was beating. Octavia looked so small, so innocent, so vulnerable.

"Clarke, stop, you're hurting me," she said. 

Clarke spun around. The onlookers shrunk away from her. As if she was a monster. As if she was dangerous. 

A thousand iPhones were in the air. All catching it. All it would take is one and it would be put on the Internet for all to see. If she wasn't extremely lucky, her meltdown would be plastered all over social media.

"Octavia--" Clarke started, then looked at her again. Something was bleeding. 

Her hand was cut.

A drop of blood dripped off of it, slowly falling onto the ground. "I'm-- I--" she mumbled, reaching up to her eye. A teardrop. "Octavia-- I'm sorry," she said.

"Boo!" Murphy hollered. 

"Shut up, Murphy," Jasper elbowed him. Almost as if she could... 

She couldn't do this. Not now. Not here. Her one shot, her one chance at a fresh start-- she had to--

Run. 

She felt her body move before she controlled it. She sprinted forward. Her muscles were lean and strong. She had been on track last year. 

She shoved people out of the way, trying to hide the tears that were falling from her eyes. One by one. 

Her sobs were controllable, but she felt like her throat was going to explode. The lump was like a boulder. 

"Clarke!" someone shouted. 

She wasn't sure who. Maybe it was her imagination. After all, who even knew her name here?

They'd be happier if she got expelled for this. Maybe she should just leave school. Drop out. Abbey would yell at her a bit for not going to med school like she wanted her to.

It wasn't like she'd planned on becoming a doctor anything, even if Finn hadn't died and she'd been diagnosed with post tramautic stress disorder. 

Abbey had always planned her life for her. Even going to Ark was according to plan. Every single extracirucular activity. Everything. Even her summer job in ninth grade, where she met Octavia and Raven. They'd soon realized they'd be going to Ark High together and became quick friends.

Abbey had probably bribed them to become friends, that's how much she'd planned Clarke's life.

Finn wasn't planned.

He wasn't a conscious choice. 

He wasn't picked by Abbey to compliment her not-so-perfect clone of a daughter.

She'd chosen him. Clarke. Clarke Griffin by herself. She'd searched him out and they'd kissed and it was perfect. It was romantic, even.

Abbey had never left room in Clarke's life for romance.

She spun around the corner into the girl's bathroom and picked the last stall. She didn't even bother to sit on the toilet. 

She went for the floor and started crying.

It felt like she would run out of tears at some point. Not yet. How many tears could she shed? How long could she grieve? 

She felt like it was forever until the door to the bathroom opened. Clarke tried to stifle her tears, assuming it was a teacher come to look for her. Or Abbey from work to lecture her. Maybe just a student looking for the bathroom.

It wasn't.

"Clarke?" a girl asked. Her voice was warm and compassionate. Clarke didn't recognize it. "I know you're in here."

"Go away," Clarke said, wiping her face.

"It's Lexa."

"I don't know you or care to," she said. "You wouldn't understand." 

"Open up," she said, knocking on her stall.

"No," she said.

"Alright," she said and crawled under the stall door. 

"Ew, those floors are disgusting," Clarke said to her. She was the cool girl that Anya looked like she was friends with. 

"I don't know what happened with... Finn?"

"Yeah," she said. Lexa reached for some toilet paper and wiped away Clarke's snot. 

"But you're not the only one who lost someone close to her..." Lexa closed her eyes. Clarke expected a lecture about how Raven was hurting too, but instead, Lexa started crying too. "My... A while ago, someone I loved died as well. It was my fault." 

Clarke felt awkward. Now she'd upset some girl she had no idea what her story was. She'd hurt her, by talking about her grief in public.

"Her name was Costia." 

"Her?" Clarke said, surprised for a moment. 

"I'm a lesbian," Lexa explained. "Cool?"

"Yeah, I'm bi," Clarke said, reaching to hold Lexa. She had looked so strong but she was now as fragile as a butterfly.

"Costia was amazing. We'd been dating for a while-- her family were blacksmiths? We'd planned to go to the same college and everything. It was like a dream."

Lexa smiled, happy, but it quickly morphed into a frown again.

"But as I was driving her home one night, I got distracted. A drunk driver crashed into us. I got off with major surgery and this scar." She pulled up her sleeve and her arm was scarred in a horrific pattern. 

"She didn't make it," she said. "We were in hospital beds next to each other. We each were convinced that I was the one who was dying. I... I didn't die." 

"I..." Clarke had nothing to say. How could she be selfish enough to demand her own trauma be important when it seemed so insignificant? "I know I shouldn't say I'm sorry. I hate it when they tell me that. Like what could you have done. But. I am."

"It's okay. It was a while ago. Her family isn't speaking to me, but... I guess I deserve it."

"No, you don't. It was an accident. It was the driver's fault. It's kinda random-- but Finn died in a car accident too. We'd hooked up, but it turns out he had a girlfriend."

Lexa winced.

"Who was my best friend," 

"Ouch," Lexa said. "That's worse."

"Once we found out, I told him I wasn't talking to him again. Then he went and got drunk and he was driving to my house..." The memory flashed right before my eyes again. "He managed to get there before he crashed." 

"I can't imagine how horrible that must be." 

"Yes, you can," Clarke said, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "My therapist calls it survivor's guilt. I'd do anything to get him back."

"Even if it means trading my own life for hers." 

Lexa leaned her head into Clarke's lap. 

"Thank you," Clarke said. "Nobody except Raven really gets it and she's not talking to me, so..."

"I guess we always look for someone to blame, but we come back to ourself first."


	3. Betrayal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: I changed the ending because it seemed implausible and too quick.

Lexa unwrapped her arm from around Clarke's shoulder. Her muscles cramped up and she flinched. 

"Ow," she said, standing up, "Clarke, are you okay?"

"Ugh," Clarke said, stretching out. "My legs." 

Lexa helped her up, pulling her to her feet. Clarke grabbed onto her and pushed up, swearing. Lexa nodded appreciatively at Clarke's impressive vocabulary. 

"Wow," Lexa said after Clarke let out a string of words that would've turned a sailor into a nun. 

"How are you not crying on the floor, my muscles are killing me," Clarke said. 

"I'm used to it," Lexa shrugged. She flexed her own muscles. She looked down at Clarke's legs-- so sculpted. She was lean and she looked to be a quick runner. 

"You have huge muscles," Clarke acknowledged. Lexa looked down at her arms. She was on the strong side. 

"Oh, I'm on the school teams. Basketball, football, soccer, and track."

"All I've ever done is track-- hey, I think I might've seen you at a track meet once or twice," Clarke's eyes opened. Lexa looked into them. 

"Maybe," Lexa said. "Hey, so I know you wanted to turn down Anya's offer to sit with us at lunch, but maybe I could come sit with you?"

"Shit," Clarke exclaimed. Lexa reached for Clarke's hand. Clarke hesitated, but took it, letting Lexa in.

"What is it?" Lexa asked, reaching for the lock on the door.

"I just realized-- there's probably going to be a thousand videos of that episode this morning plastered all over social media." 

Lexa winced. 

Maybe she shouldn't have associated herself with such a rogue figure. A new, dynamic, force in any school can shake things up, forever.

She tried to banish that thought. Someone's grief wasn't a liability. If it was, then Anya would've abandoned her soon enough after... her.

"If anyone gives you any shit, I'll punch them in the face," Lexa promised Clarke.

"No, don't," Clarke said, blushing. Lexa's heat skipped a beat at that face. 

She used her other hand to pinch herself. 

"Okay, fine, no punching. I'll make sure that they don't think they can get away with it."

"Won't that make you unpopular?" Clarke asked, letting go of Lexa's hand. Lexa snorted, almost amused by Clarke.

"What, have you been watching too much Mean Girls? I'm not a soulless she-demon, don't worry."

Clarke felt her face go red. Maybe she had made an assumption about Lexa's character based off of the little she had seen about her.

Maybe. Hah, she had definitely. What an embarrassment. Octavia had been right on that account, even if not on many others.

Clarke took a step back, wanting to facepalm.

"I'm sorry-- I just... I've never really gotten to know people."

"No, it's okay, you're probably right on a bit of that. Some of the people who I sit with sometimes would rather I be like that. Especially Titus. Thank goodness he's a senior."

"Titus?" Clarke asked.

"He constantly acts like he owns me," she said while tossing her hair over her shoulder. "Which he doesn't. I can make my own choices."

"I've known a few people like that," Clarke said. Her voice was distant. 

"You know how you have to deal with people like him? You don't give up. You do what you want to do, live your own life." 

Lexa wondered where Clarke's head had gone. She'd all but vanished from the conversation. What was she thinking about? 

Lexa pulled out something in her backpack-- her makeup kit. 

"And no matter what, you don't let them see you cry," she told Clarke, which seemed to rouse her out of the sort of trance she'd vanished into. 

"I'm sorry-- just got lost for a moment. Thinking," Clarke said. She rubbed her eyes. "I'm not very good at doing makeup. 

"Don't worry. I am." Clarke looked at Lexa's face, and laughed. "What is it?" Clarke covered her mouth, but it went into a smirk anyway.

"Your makeup looks horrible." 

"What, really?" Lexa pulled out a small mirror and checked. Clarke pulled herself up onto a ledge in the bathroom stall and looked out the window. It was smudged so nobody could look in. 

"See?" Clarke said.

"Ugh, it's not waterproof." Now it was Lexa's turn to swear. Clarke personally thought her our vocabulary of swear words in multiple languages was better, but Lexa still was pretty good. 

"Oh, Lexa," Clarke said. Lexa glared at Clarke and Clarke giggled. She giggled! For the first time in probably years. Clarke clapped a hand over her mouth, but she was pretty sure her chin dropped to the floor.

"Hah! I knew it!" Lexa declared. "You can giggle!" 

"Omigosh, I can't believe I did that," Clarke said. "I'm so embarrassed." 

"Oh come on-- don't be embarrassed. You have a cute giggle." Clarke blushed again-- how many times had Lexa made her blush? Three times? This soft Clarke who giggled was so unlike her usual moody personality that she wondered if she'd gotten a personality transplant. 

"What am I doing here?" Clarke wondered out loud.

"Well, sixteen or seventeen years and nine months ago, your mommy and daddy loved each other very much--" 

"Omigosh, Lexa, no!" Clarke shrieked. Omigosh? Really? It was like she was watching herself from the sky. How did she sound this way? How could she?

Lexa pushed the door and pulled Clarke down from her ledge. 

"You're pretty cool, Clarke," Lexa told her as they looked outside of the stall. Clarke's heart pounding as she leaned against Lexa. Her very body was shooting up, electricity coursing at the speed of light.

"I like your hair," Clarke told Lexa, almost unbidden. "How do you get it that way?" Lexa self consciously ran her fingers through her hair.

"A lot of YouTube tutorials, to be honest," Lexa said, then laughed. It was infectious. It felt good to release the pure sounds of joy. Lexa was so familiar and distant at the same time. It was if she remembered her, yet she hadn't ever knew her.

Her laugh pushed away the darkness which had been following Clarke. Maybe she could be happy again. Maybe she deserved to be happy. 

Lexa walked over to the mirror and unleashed the full makeup kits

"Wow," Clarke said. "Where..."

"There's a Sephora downtown," Lexa shrugged. "I could take you there sometime." 

Clarke imagined herself being pampered by someone attacking her face, trying to make her beautiful.

"No thanks," Clarke said, making a face. "Sorry, I'm just not..."

"You don't have to justify yourself. Except for the hair. Do you even wash it?" Clarke self consciously checked her reflection.

"Um, once a week?" she offered meekly.

"Clarke, I just can't even. Can I try?" she offered, with a hairbrush.

For the first time since Finn, she wanted to be pretty. Pretty for her. 

"Okay, it's probably a good idea to brush my hair a bit," she said. Lexa pulled her down onto the ground and sat behind her. 

She flinched as Lexa pulled her brush through Clarke's hair. 

"Ow!" Clarke exclaimed when she reached a rough patch. Lexa withdrew the brush.

"Are you okay?" Lexa asked, checking in. 

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I should probably keep my hair in better condition than this," Clarke said. Lexa returned to attacking tangles. 

"A... Branch?" Lexa asked as she pulled it out of her hair, along with some leaves.

"I like hiking," Clarke said, defending herself. "I mean, I never really thought anyone would care enough about what I looked like, so why bother?" 

"Clarke," Lexa said, turning Clarke around to look into her eyes. She stroked her face, tracing the path of Clarke's tears. 

"Lexa?" Clarke asked. 

"I care," Lexa said. 

"Thank you," Clarke said, shyly turning her hair back to Lexa. 

"Clarke, your hair is impossible," Lexa sigh, throwing up her arms. "What am I supposed to do with this?" Clarke sighed. She figured that having her hair extremely dirty probably wouldn't make her any friends, but she really didn't even care about friends, did she? _I mean, I have Octavia, Raven and Bellamy..._ she thought. Or maybe just Bellamy because Raven wasn't talking to her and probably Octavia was pretty pissed at her. 

"Just cut it off," Clarke said, absentmindedly. "I'm not going to be pretty anyway." 

"Clarke, you're gorgeous, don't say that. Anyway-- wait-- cut your hair?" 

Clarke eyes opened and she nodded. "Actually, yeah, let's cut my hair. Do you have any scissors?" Clarke wasn't sure exactly what she was even doing. What was the point of this? Cutting her hair all the way off? Well, it was better than letting Lexa attack her with the brush, she supposed, but seriously? She'd spent ages growing it. 

But it would look cool, and maybe people wouldn't be able to tell it was her, the girl who attacked her friend in the hall. 

"Sure," Lexa said, nodding along. "This is ridiculous, you know that, right?" 

"Yeah, I do," Clarke said. 

"I don't have any scissors, let me go grab some. You go hide in the stall again." 

Something buzzed and Lexa reached into a pocket. She brought out a pale, sleek, pink phone.There were multiple notifications. Clarke leaned over to look at them. 

'omigosh, lexa i luv this video.' 

'this video is so hilarious' 

'who is that girl, her hair is so messy,'

'thanks for posting.' 

'where is that girl,' 

Lexa shut off the phone, but Clarke had already seen it. Someone had taken a video and posted it. Lexa had seen it. Or people were showing it to her. Clarke felt a tear drip down her face and she stood up. 

"Clarke, I'm so sorry, I didn't post it-- I swear." 

"Thanks for posting?" Clarke exclaimed. "I thought I trusted you-- you were right there and told me a sad story and I fell for it! Hook. Line. Sinker." 

"I swear Clarke, I never did anything -- I didn't mean to hurt you and I don't..." 

"Changing your story, are you?" Clarke felt a flush of rage. Some girl came and talked to her, sounded nice and made her _giggle_ like some kind of fool. Like she'd make her heart race and how every single part of her was on fire. What was next? New girl spills a sob story in the bathroom. "Fuck you, Lexa!" 

"I didn't post the video!" 

"Then why are people replying to _you_?" Clarke picked up Lexa's phone and held it up. 

"Gimme my phone back, Clarke!" Lexa said, desperate. "I don't understand what video they're talking about." Clarke felt the same anger that had run through her body earlier at Octavia. As if she could be fooled that easily. She was pathetic. Clarke was pathetic. Every single part of her was still screaming wait for her story, but it was probably just that. A story. 

"Fine, Lexa," Clarke hissed as she flicked open the phone. "Aww, how sweet, 'that bitch is too scared to show her face,' _thanks_." 

"You don't understand!" Lexa stepped forwards, reaching for her phone. "No matter what happened, I can prove I didn't do it." 

Clarke scrolled up and saw the video. She didn't bother watching it, she just clicked the delete post button and hurtled Lexa's phone back towards her. "Go on, then, popular girl. You can go face your fans because you. Are. So. Cool." 

Lexa's face burned and she reached for her phone. 

"Get out of here," Clarke said. 

And she did.


	4. Impossible

Lexa held up her phone, almost frozen. What happened? She and the new girl had gotten along great, until something about a video?

Lexa checked her social media to see she was getting bombarded with requests for some video. She checked her camera library-- no video. 

What had happened?

Lexa tried to think. Some video of Clarke's freak out had gotten posted, using Lexa's account. But who had access to Lexa's account besides Lexa?

She started replying to each message: Leave me alone. I didn't post it and the new girl doesn't need this. 

Already, new girl freak out (the remix) popped up. Lexa told him to take it down. She replied to everyone who had posted a video to do that. 

Wait.

She scrolled back up. Someone was replying using Lexa's account. 

_lexatrikru: just kidding lol carry on_

How was that possible? Only one person might have access to Lexa's accounts and that was Titus. He'd found her passwords by accident and swore he'd never use them.

Surely he wouldn't do something like this? He might've tried to keep her from going to look for Clarke, but actually hack into her social media?

She opened a message with Titusms regular account.

_Where are you? We need to talk._

She waited for the answer as she fixed her makeup. Don't ever let them see you cry. That was the first lesson of high school that Anya had taught her and it was still true.

His answer was sent quickly. 

_Meet me in front of the school._

Lexa needed a plan to get him to prove she hadn't posted the video. She paced back and forth before someone came into the bathroom and spotted her pacing. 

"Uh--" began Maya. "Lexa?"

"I'm just going," Lexa said. 

"I thought you were in class." 

"I know I'm supposed to be there, but, anyway, I'm going back to advisory."

"On the tenth floor? There's a closer bathroom." Lexa felt almost annoyed at Maya pulling holes in her alibi. 

"How do you know my schedule?" Lexa asked.

"My friend is in your advisory," Maya told her. Lexa sighed. Maya could be a pain, but she usually had a good reason to be a pain. Lexa needed an excuse to get out of here. "You weren't crying, were you?" 

"Jeesh, no," Lexa said. Her heart pounded. If someone thought she was crying, news would get everywhere. 

"I saw that new girl from the video coming from here, did she ambush you?"

"No! It wasn't anything like that and you should probably pretend you never saw that, because that video is cruel and unfair to her. She's lost someone too." 

"Wow," Maya said. 

"Yes, I am different," Lexa said. "You're so clever Maya. Look, you might've just moved here from Mount Weather, but I'm kind of a big deal around here." 

Maybe it wasn't smart to threaten her when Clarke already thought she was a monster, but she needed to get out of here to find Titus. 

"Fine," Maya said and Lexa walked towards the door. Maya blocked her. "One question." 

"Not really in a good time for questions..." Lexa said, hitting her palm against her thigh. 

"Who's the one at the door right now?" Maya asked, crossing her arms.

"You know I could probably wipe the floor with you and the only reason I'm not is because I'd get suspended?" 

"See, that's exactly why I'm curious." 

"Did someone put you up to this?" Lexa asked. "Because it's getting really annoying."

"Someone asked me to ask you a few questions," Maya shrugged. 

"Who?" Lexa asked. 

"She said not to tell you," Maya said. A she. Probably Clarke. 

"Messy hair? Blonde?" 

"Maybe," Maya said with an uncomfortable look in her face. "But to be honest, I'm just curious. Okay, so the question is did you post it?" 

"No!"

Lexa grabbed her bag and pulled it on over her shoulder. She sprinted out of the bathroom, down the hall. Everyone was in their first day of classes-- shoot, this wasn't going to be good for her perfect attendance record. 

Okay.

This was going to be fine. Maya was being a pain for like no reason, but she could deal with that. She needed a plan and she could finally think without some annoying freshman asking her a gazillion questions. 

Lexa leaned against the wall to catch her breath, ducking out of view of a student looking for the water fountain.

Then she walked down the hall, hiding that her heart was pounding. 

She quickly formulated a plan as she passed the water fountain. 

"Hey Lexa!" the student called out. Lexa waved as she turned the corner to the door and walked out.

She headed outside slowly, turning around and looking for where Titus might be hiding-- bastardized. There was a bench and she sat down on it. She figured, he'd probably come find her. 

"Lexa," Titus said as he came out of the shadow. There he was, the coward himself. Lexa folded her arms. 

"Titus," Lexa said. "What did you do?" 

"I don't understand," Titus said. 

"Really," Lexa told him. "Maybe a certain video posted on my account comes to mind?"

"You can't let the new girl cloud your judgement," Titus said, smirking. Lexa felt a strange desire to punch him, but she waited. He hadn't technically confessed to anything yet.

"Or maybe your jealousy shouldn't cloud your judgement?"

"You stayed in the bathroom with her for hours. Honestly, what were you doing?" Was he implying something? Because if he was, that was entirely unfair. Lexa was doing the best she could to help out a hurt friend and he repaid her like this. 

"Are you saying something?" Lexa asked.

"Yes, I am," Titus said. Lexa felt her muscles clench up, almost unwillingly. Her anger was getting hard to contain as her face twitched.

"She was upset, Titus. Would you rather me be heartless? I'm not a robot. I'm not going to destroy anyone who gets in my way. I care about people who need me and right now, the girl who needed me was Clarke. You used her grief." 

"You used to be that way," Titus said. "That bitch ruined you. I was trying to show you who you were by posting that video on your account."

Lexa stood up and her body coursed with fire. Him calling Costia 'that bitch' was the last straw. 

"You don't talk about Costia that way," Lexa said, hissing. She felt her anger pulse in every cell of her body. Electricity made her want to do something reckless. She had to focus on her mission. "So you admit you posted the video of Clarke's grief on my account." 

"Yes, I did. You're growing soft, Lexa." 

"I never wanted to be a monster and control the school." 

"That wasn't what last year's Lexa would have said." 

"I'm. Not. Her. Any. More," Lexa said. "You want to control me?" 

Her shoulders were back and her muscles rippled down her arm. "The only person who controls me, Titus, is me. And if you think for one second that posting that video will make me run to you, then you never knew me." 

"People don't like you, Lexa, they're afraid of you." Titus stumbled backwards, almost scared of her. Sometimes Lexa was grateful for intimidating height and muscles. It made scaring insignificant worms like Titus so much easier. 

"You're mistaking me for you, Titus."

Lexa pulled her phone out of her pocket and clicked end recording. "But _you_ should fear me, Titus. Because after this, everyone will know who you are."

"What is that?" Titus asked, a little bit of panic finally entering his voice. 

"You see, Titus, on the way over here, I took the liberty of changing my password. So you can't take _this_ down." She clicked post. "Thanks for that confession, by the way. It makes my job so much easier." 

"What did you do?" he asked, pulling out his phone. He was still logged into his account and scrolled up to see her ask him if he posted the video and him reply he did. 

"You're welcome, Titus," Lexa told him. "You see, you were wrong about me. I'm not going soft." 

She clapped the case closed and put her phone into her pocket. She winked at Titus, leaning into him and then she hissed in his ear two words. 

"You are," she told him.


	5. Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So overwhelmed by all the hits! Thanks!  
> TW: bullying

Clarke closed her eyes. Maya had come back to tell her that Lexa had been pretty rude and insisted she hadn't said it, but she'd also apparently been pretty rude back to Lexa, so she wasn't sure if she should've asked her to do that. 

"Clarke Griffin," said the teacher. 

"Here." Clarke said, distractedly. Hadn't she already taken attendance.

"I was asking if you were paying attention," the teacher said. Clarke shrugged. "I can now tell you were not." 

Her face burned.

How was she supposed to pay attention? She'd basically sent someone to spy on Lexa, and that was kind of rude of her. What was she supposed to do? She couldn't exactly go and ask her, just Clarke. 

Clarke's phone buzzed in her pocket.

"Damnit," she said. 

"Language, Griffin," the teacher said. The laughter from the rest of the classroom made her want to go find a rock to crawl under and hide. 

"I--" Clarke said. "I have to go to the bathroom." 

"Nice try." The crowd roared to life again. She looked around for a friendly face and didn't find one. She wished she could find the girl she thought Lexa was. Or even Octavia and Raven. 

Even though they hated her.

"Is that the video girl," someone said. 

"Yeah," someone else replied. "What a bitch queen." 

"She should've been grateful those frigid freaks ditched her. I heard Raven can't even take a stupid joke." 

"Shut up," Clarke hissed, turning around to face them. "You're aware I have ears? And Raven isn't a freak." 

"Oh no, cold Clarke's going to fight me," one said, in a jeering tone. Clarke felt embarrassed by her boldness-- hadn't she been in enough fights already. She leaned into where they were sitting.

"Make fun of me, if you want. Maybe I deserve it for what I did. But if you ever try to hurt Raven or Octavia, I swear, I will do everything in my power to make your life a misery."

"Clarke!" the teacher snapped. "No gossiping in class time."

"Don't worry," Clarke said. "I was just informing some people of a few rules they seem to have forgotten about." She leaned back to check, "such as no phones in class." 

"Bitch!" one of them exclaimed as the teacher confiscated their phones. 

"Language," the teacher said, bored. Clarke felt her rush of adrenaline almost vanish as she leaned back into her chair. Hadn't she learned her lesson about confronting people. "Griffin, maybe you should go get a drink of water." 

"Okay," Clarke said. 

"And I expect to see you in the office by the end of the day." Clarke opened her mouth to protest, but she shut it and stood up. She couldn't wait until the school day was over. Those bastards couldn't just leave her alone, could they?

Clarke felt every eye in the room follow her out, face burning. It was as if she couldn't deal with a simple class without falling apart.

Maybe she couldn't. What could she do?

She was all out of tears at this point. She just looked around for the water fountain, ignoring gawking gazes from the students around her. What did it matter, really? She was going to end up a high school drop out, living day to day on a minimum wage salary, so what. 

She was so alone. 

Maybe she could give it one more try. But what good would that do? With her luck, the video was probably viral. She opened up her phone. Had someone got her social media account to harass her?

It wasn't social media. It was a text from an unknown number. Curious, she openned it, hoping it wasn't some kind of spam bot. 

A rough, video file. She was about to click out when she heard Lexa's voice. Sorta, it was distorted. 

_"Titus,"_ her voice said. Titus? She'd mentioned someone named Titus, hadn't she? _"What did you do?"_

 _"I don't understand,"_ a voice replied. Titus, she guessed.

 _"Really,"_ Lexa said. _"Maybe a certain video posted on my account comes to mind?"_

Was this... Lexa confronting someone about the video? Wait, on her account? This could be staged, but why would she?

 _"You can't let the new girl cloud your judgement,"_ he replied. 

Clarke felt her stomach clench. Was he confessing?

 _"You stayed in the bathroom with her for hours. Honestly, what were you doing?"_ Clarke's body twitched, in a strange pattern. Her heart pounded. 

_"Are you saying something?"_ Lexa asked.

 _"Yes, I am,"_ Titus said. Clarke glared at the screen. Nobody was on screen. 

_"She was upset, Titus. Would you rather me be heartless? I'm not a robot. I'm not going to destroy anyone who gets in my way. I care about people who need me and right now, the girl who needed me was Clarke. You used her grief."_

Clarke felt her heart soar. If she had staged it-- would she say that? She was so kind. 

_"You used to be that way,"_ Titus said. _"That bitch ruined you. I was trying to show you who you were by posting that video on your account."_

Okay, now that was bellow the line. Whether she was calling Costia the bitch or Clarke, that was unfair. Clarke's body trembled with rage.

She had to listen to what she was saying. 

_"You don't talk about Costia that way. So you admit you posted the video of Clarke's grief on my account."_

Costia, then. That's who he called the bitch. It was still confusing. 

_"Yes, I did. You're growing soft, Lexa."_

_"I never wanted to be a monster and control the school."_

_"That wasn't what last year's Lexa would have said."_

_"I'm. Not. Her. Any. More. You want to control me?"_

What was last year's Lexa like? Who was this monster who wanted to control the world? Or, their small world, anyway. Lexa didn't seem that way at all. Not in the bathroom when they cried together.

Clarke headed to that bathroom again as she listened, to avoid getting yelled at by the teachers when the class went out. 

 

_"People don't like you, Lexa, they're afraid of you."_

_"You're mistaking me for you, Titus._

The recording shut off and it left Clarke to contemplate her emotions. If it was staged, why would it be so muffled? It didn't feel staged or planned. She heard Lexa's anger and it felt genuine, but how was she supposed to know?

She typed out, 'Lexa?' to the number, which her phone kept trying to correct to 'Leksa,' for some reason. 

'I'm sorry, Clarke,' Lexa replied. 'I'm sorry I ever let that worm close to me.' 

'What's going to happen to me?' Clarke asked, typing it out before hitting the delete button. She sounded too needy and afraid. Instead, she went for a simple 'where are you?'

'Outside the school.'

Clarke headed towards the exit just as the bell rang. The crowds streamed out of their respective doors and jostled through her, like a herd.

She tried to move, swimming against the current. The crowd was thick and pushed through her, shoving her forward and backwards. It was like she couldn't find a place to stay, or she'd be trampled. There were so many faces and so many people. How could she ever get anywhere through here?

She had to get to Lexa. That was the goal. She would find her, because she had to understand. She had to understand how it could've happened.

She found her way to the scchool's social media area, following a few key accounts like Lexa's and Anya's. She checked her own account-- had Octavia and Raven unfollowed her?

"Clarke?" someone called. She turned around and saw a familiar face. Someone she thought hated her: Raven Reyes.

Her face was bright red and snuffy, as if she'd been crying too. Clarke's hand went to her face where she'd already been crying.

"Raven," Clarke said. Her hair was back in a ponytail, a style Clarke hadn't seen her in for a while. Finn didn't like it, apparently. 

"Clarke-- I'm sorry I haven't been talking to you," Raven said. _Well, this is new,_ Clarke wondered as Raven pushed her way through the crowd. "I didn't realize." 

Raven quickly tucked a stray hair behind her face. Clarke's face must've expressed so many different emotions at Raven finally saying something to her. 

She tried not to look too surprised, but she was pretty sure there was no way to conceal her surprise that Raven wasn't angry anymore. 

Was she still angry? She couldn't tell. Raven seemed peaceful, but she could flip out at any moment. 

"No, Raven," Clarke said as she pulled her into a classroom. It was empty, only a lone student packing up. She adjusted her glasses and left quickly, giving them the room to themselves.

"I just... Did you really tell those jerks off? The ones who were talking about me?"

Clarke nodded. Raven sat down on a desk, tapping her foot against the ground. "Why?"

"If you have to ask why, Raven, you never really knew me," Clarke told her. 

"Maybe I don't. Can I ask you one thing?" Clarke sat down next to Raven, even though she wanted to go find Lexa.

"Isn't that what you just did?" she asked.

"You smartass!" Raven said, laughing. Her laugh was good to hear. Clarke hadn't heard Raven laugh in a long time. It was nice. Nice to hear someone laugh and especially nice to hear Raven laugh.

"I'm sorry," Clarke said. "I was unfair to you. I didn't know-- Finn didn't tell me about you and I didn't realize it was your Finn." 

"I understand," Raven said, shocking Clarke. "I haven't been very nice even though it's not the first time Finn had cheated. Three times. Each time, I forgave him and was so angry at the other girl, but I didn't know them. I'd made them out to be home wreckers, when really it was Finn who hadn't told her. 

"It's still my fault he's dead," Clarke said.

"No," Raven said, shocking her further. It was as if she had flipped into some alternate reality where right was wrong and white was black. 

"I thought you blamed me," Clarke said, shocked at how kind she was being. "I do, at the very least."

"I mean, yeah, I blame you. But I don't need to punish you. Clarke, you're doing that well enough to yourself." 

Raven. 

"Thank you," Clarke said. "Really, thank you."

"Oh, and this neat girl, Anya? She came up to me and told me to get my shit together. Damn, that girl is hot." 

_Shit!_ Anya, who was Lexa's friend. She needed to go find Lexa. 

"Hold that thought, I'll be right back. I need to go find Lexa." 

"Anya's friend?"

"Yes," Clarke said. She cursed, pulling out her phone and texting Lexa pretty quickly. 'Coming, sorry!' Which sounded slightly sexual, but why had that come into her mind? 

"You have some kind of meeting?" Raven asked. When Clarke looked at her, she shrugged. "Anya told me." 

"I need to go!" Clarke said, reaching for her bag. "Hold that thought."

"Go get her, tiger!" Raven proclaimed as she began to run.


	6. Forgiven

t was as if every single passing person was Clarke.

Every time a girl with even slightly messy or blond hair walked by, Lexa jumped and started to get up, but it wasn't her.

Was she coming at all?

Lexa wouldn't blame her for not even coming. Lexa had let her get hurt, something she swore she would never do again. She wanted to take her into a room and hide her away for nobody unworthy to touch.

"Lexa!" someone called out, her voice breathless and heavy with something Lexa couldn't even begin to understand.

Lexa turned, slow. She didn't want to believe that Clarke had come. Maybe what she'd been hoping for wasn't what she wanted after all. Maybe it was easy to want something in the abstract, but when it was right here in front of you--

Terrifying.

Flutters like butterflies floated through out Lexa's stomach, although she tried to push them down. She didn't want to feel for Clarke. Every time she felt something, somebody got hurt.

"Lexa, I'm so sorry!" Clarke was saying and Lexa was barely listening. Her vision was blurring for some reason and her muscles were moving without her control. She was saying something. The words were barely on her lips, like she was reaching out for something. She grasped onto the first words that came to her.

Nothing to lose. And wasn't that true? Lexa had everything, but nothing at the same time. All she wanted was something real. Maybe being well liked was something, but it wasn't everything. It wasn't anything in the face of Clarke.

 

"I'm sorry," Lexa was choking out as Clarke was next to her. Clarke was there and her arms were moving like a hurricane. Her body was flying and Lexa was moving too. Lexa spotted a tear in Clarke's eyes and she guessed Clarke saw her own.

A hug. It was so much but at the same time, was it anything? Did it mean to Clarke what allowing a simple touch like that meant to Lexa? Did Clarke understand the implications?

If anyone but Clarke had done that, Lexa suspected she might have actually broken their arm. Or arms.

"I should've--"

"I must--"

"What is wrong with me?"

"I have to make this right."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm so sorry too."

"It's my fault."

"No, it's mine."

"I should've done something sooner and not jumped to conclusions."

"No, you were doing the best with what information you had."

"I should've done it anyway."

"I am so sorry."

Lexa didn't even know anymore who was saying what. The voices were crowding together in her head, overlapping and disjointing.

"Lexa," a voice said. That was Clarke. As Clarke released her, Lexa rubbed her eyes. She smudged her dark eyeshadow, but it didn't even matter anymore. "I saw the video. I was late because I was talking with Raven."

"You were talking with Raven?" Lexa asked. Her eyes widened. She reached for Clarke's hand and Clarke took it, nodding. "I thought you weren't speaking." 

"She forgave me. Because... because of the video." Lexa thought she couldn't get even more surprised, yet she felt the breath knocked out her again. She had no idea what to even think about this new turn in development. The video that Titus had posted on her account... had helped Raven and Clarke get over their differences. Lexa thought that was impossible. How could something horrible like that video be good?

"What--" Lexa gasped. 

"Yeah. She realized I was hurting too." 

"I can't believe it," Lexa said. "All of this mess is my fault, isn't it? I shouldn't have let Titus have my password." 

"No. I didn't know how it helped me," Clarke said. "I shouldn't have rushed to judgement." Lexa realized she was still holding Clarke's hand. She was sitting down on the bench outside of the school, which wasn't quite a good location, but she still had her. All to herself. 

"Clarke. Maybe this isn't the best place," Lexa said. Clarke let go of Lexa's hand and reached to stand up. 

"I'm sorry, I--" Clarke began. 

"And by that, I mean, can you meet me here after school? I want to bring you to my special place." 

Clarke's mouth turned from a frown into a smile and then a frown again, as if to try to disguise the emotion that quickly crossed her face. Lexa felt a strange shot of joy shoot through her body at the sight of Clarke's smile. Lexa wasn't sure where she was going to bring Clarke yet-- would she really bring her to her store? It was what she meant, but only a few people had ever really seen her in her element.   
\--  
"So why exactly do you need to blindfold me, again?" Clarke asked as Lexa pulled her forward. 

"I want it to be a surprise," Lexa told her. "I want to surprise you." Clarke felt her heart jump and then she scolded herself for feeling that way. She'd just met Lexa, hadn't she? Still, there was just something about her. She couldn't guess what it was. Clarke squeezed Lexa's hand and then Lexa squeezed her hand in return. A sort of encouragement. 

"Alright," Clarke said, and dropped Lexa's hand as she tied the piece of fabric around Clarke's eyes. 

"I'll keep you from walking into anything," Lexa promised. Clarke felt something inside of her stir and she moved a foot forward, almost hesitating. Then, she felt Lexa's cold touch on her skin. Maybe the video was embarrassing, but that wasn't Lexa's fault. And even if it was, Raven forgave her because of the video. Without the video, there was that connection they'd shared in the bathroom on the cold floor. 

"You promise?" Clarke asked as Lexa guided her down the street. She heard the chime of a soft bell and she assumed Lexa had opened a door. 

"I promise," Lexa said as she guided Clarke through an entryway. She rubbed her head against Clarke's shoulder. That was relaxing. 

"Lexa, I thought you had--" someone said before cutting off. It sounded like a college student, from what Clarke could make out. 

"Can you leave us alone for a bit?" she heard Lexa ask. 

"Alright, ma'am," he said and Clarke heard the sound of feet padding on the ground. 

"This way," Lexa told her as she brought her through the building. Clarke could sort of tell the layout of the room from her other senses. She smelled a faint, sweet, smell. Perhaps it was strawberries? Or was it some sort of minty taste? She sniffed and a thousand scents washed over her. It should have been chaotic and cause her confusion. Instead, the smells burst to life around her like a symphony. 

As she stepped, Lexa's voice was whispering soft words of encouragement. 

She thought there was a sort of smoky taste among the beautiful tastes, but that was only mixed in throughout the combinations. Lexa pulled her around a corner and, although Clarke could barely see anything, she thought Lexa was smiling. 

It was warm in here and Clarke thought it was tight, between shelves. Those were shelves, weren't they? She reached out to run her fingers along the shelf, but Lexa slowly pulled her hand back. As if to say, careful. 

Soon, Lexa pulled her into a more wide open space. 

"You can look now," Lexa said. Her voice was so soft, wasn't it? It was like the universe wanted her to be here and for her to forgive her for letting Titus into her account. That was not that hard, after all, she already had done that. Her forgiveness was not the problem. She had made the decision to stop being angry at Lexa when Raven came to her with a request for a truce. The problem was, would Lexa forgive her for reacting the way she did?

A faint trace of a hand, smooth and cold, moved up Clarke's cheek. Clarke moved her hand to trace Lexa's and it felt like a thousand butterflies were fighting in her stomach. This was not in the plan. Lexa wasn't expected. Abby would never agree to this. But at the same time, it didn't feel like she was using Lexa to get her mother angry at her. No. 

The soft silky fabric slowly unwrapped, with Lexa's long and delicate fingers untying it. 

Clarke opened her eyes and the first thing she noticed was Lexa's smile. It was curved with a laughter she hadn't seen. She was enjoying herself and that made Clarke's features curve into a smile. Lexa's own mouth widened further and Clarke felt her own mirror hers. It was as if she was doing it involuntarily. She didn't have to punish herself for Finn anymore. 

She looked up and saw the candles. 

There were thousands of them. All around her, on the various shelves, candles sat. They were lit. The lights dimmed when Lexa snapped her fingers, with only the candles to illuminate the dark room. But it wasn't dark. The candles... Lexa... they were the light she needed. 

Lexa shyly looked down. 

"Do you like it?" she asked. 

"I..." Clarke began. "I... you did all this for me?" 

The candles flickered back and forth as they spoke. It was like Clarke's heart, fluttering up and down with the wind. It felt like a wind could blow out her flame, while a hurricane could not. 

"I work here," Lexa said. "I had Noah light the candles when we were walking over here. Do you like it?"

Clarke felt like everything rested on her answer. She thought that if she did not give Lexa the accurate answer, then the earth would shake and everything would be destroyed. Now, all she needed, was a spark. She wanted to step into Lexa and touch her. She wanted to trace her hand across her long neck and tuck the piece of hair that was sticking out back. 

Why wouldn't she?

What was holding her back from doing what she so wanted to do earlier today in the bathroom? 

Maybe it was too soon. But she'd barely known Finn before they began, and Lexa was so familiar... It was like Lexa was someone she couldn't remember. She wanted to remember the touch of their hands and the eye contact so long and adoring. She wanted to remember long walks in the night and flickering candlelight in the forest. 

She might not remember something that felt so familiar, but she could make new memories. 

"I love it," Clarke said as she reached to brush the extra hair out of Lexa's face. "I..." 

_Say it._

A voice hissed in her ear. 

_Say it._

Not yet. She couldn't finish it, even though her soul knew Lexa like night knows day. 

"It's amazing," Clarke finished, not letting what she wanted to say through. There were cords with candles hanging on them all around them. It was beautiful and perfect at the same time. She didn't care about the social ramifications. This moment was like heaven. How could she not believe in the existence of perfection when fate had lined this up just for her. 

"You're amazing," Lexa said, breathing out. "I've never shown this to anyone before." 

"I'm sorry," Clarke said. "For not listening to you." 

"I'm sorry too," Lexa replied. "I should've done something about Titus earlier." 

"I think we've both punished ourselves for too long," Clarke said. "It's not our fault." They both knew Clarke was not just talking about Titus any longer. Lexa leaned in, her voice barely a whisper. There was soft music playing in the background. 

"You don't think they'd care?" Lexa asked. 

"I think that if she saw you now, I think she'd want you to move on. I think she would want you to be happy, Lexa." Lexa moved her hands to Clarke's waist and Clarke rested her hand on Lexa's shoulder. They swayed back and forth to the soft sound of the music. They were dancing. As the song moved, so did they. The beat moved them back and forth. 

"Do I deserve this?" Lexa asked, staring right into Clarke's eyes and for the first time, Clarke didn't miss him. She didn't feel guilty for moving close to someone. She wanted this and Lexa did too. 

"Yes," Clarke said and leaned forward. It might have been a full day, but seeing Lexa at her best and her worst... It felt like an eternity. "We do." 

Lexa's lips drifted slowly into Clarke's. Her mouth placed itself there like it was born to be there. A faint taste of mint found its way between them and every single movement was like it was designed. Lexa's hands moved higher up and pulled her tighter. They only stopped to breathe. There was no tongue, no need to hurry and increase the intensity like there was with Finn. Instead, it was slow and romantic, but it was intense anyway. 

Only in the end had Clarke felt this way with him. Only when she woke up next to him. 

But this...

It was only the beginning. 

Lexa was strong. Her muscles were emphasized against Clarke's back, pulling her in. Every part of her was defined and leaned. Clarke wouldn't say she was small, exactly, so it was almost a surprise when Lexa lifted her off of the ground. She spun her around as they kissed and Clarke was giggling again. She was lost in Lexa's eyes, in her lips, and in every part of her. 

"I want this," Lexa said. "I deserve this." 

"Me too," Clarke replied as Lexa set her down. She reached up and wiped a tear off of Lexa's face. "Don't cry, Lexa. We'll make it work." 

"I just don't want to hurt you," Lexa told her. 

"Let's go slow, then," Clarke said and landed a soft kiss on Lexa's cheek. "We both want-- no, need this." Then Lexa kissed her again and the world fell apart. Every single touch was unexpected and so expected at the same time. It was as if they belong together. 

It was more than forgiving each other. 

It was forgiving themselves.


	7. Distance

"So, Anya, how did you and Lexa meet, anyway?" Raven asked as she sipped her espresso 

Anya nudged a stray braid over her shoulder and scooted up in her chair. The small coffee shop was just around the school from Polis and it was apparently a favorite of Anya's. Raven liked it too. It was small, because most people preferred going to the bigger store across the street. 

"Well, I've been going to Polis since I was little -- you know there's a middle school and lower school too, right?" Raven shook her head and leaned her hands on her elbows. She was barely focusing on her drink. "And so has she, we've known each other since we were little. The kid's always felt like my little sister, you know what I mean? How do you know Clarke?" 

Raven felt a strange twist in her stomach at the mention of Clarke, even though she'd supposedly forgiven Clarke. 

"Octavia, Clarke, and I? Freshman year at the Ark, it was kinda a mess. We'd all sort of gotten into our own problems, until we got stuck together on this school camping trip? Anyway, we ended up figuring out that we weren't bad company. Still, it's always felt like, well, nobody else really cares? So we might as well hang out, you know?" 

"That sucks, kid." 

"Oh, come on, you're not that much older than I am," Raven said. "Suddenly the seniors get all high and mighty?" 

"I call everyone kid," Anya grinned and Raven's heart skipped a beat. "Even people who are older than I am." 

"Oh come on, really?" Raven asked. 

"Would you rather I call you oldy?" 

Raven laughed and she almost felt... guilty? Why would she feel guilty? She was just hanging out with a friend, wasn't she? Like, of course she liked Anya, but Anya was probably just as straight as a plank. It wasn't like she was cheating on anyone, not like Finn was. 

Finn. That was why she felt bad about laughing. 

_He. Is. Not. Here._

"No, kid's fine," Raven said, taking a big gulp of her coffee. 

"Kay, shorty," Anya said. 

"I'm not even that short," Raven said, laughing so hard she sprayed her coffee all over Anya. Raven swore and quickly grabbed for her napkin. She awkwardly stumbled out of her seat, trying to get around the table to Anya. 

"Ow, hot!" Anya gasped. "Raven, careful!" 

"Are you okay?" Raven asked as she grabbed a table. Anya thrust her hand out and pulled Raven upwards. She quickly leaped out of her seat too and put Raven's arm around her shoulders. 

"You stable?" Anya asked, looking into Raven's eyes. Raven breathed in and out, unstable, but that had nothing to do with her awkward stumble. It was more... wow, those eyes. Her eyes were shifting, a sort of brownish color now but there were traces of blue swirling around. Raven quickly got her balance back and held out a napkin to Anya. 

"I'm fine, I'm used to it. I'm so sorry I ruined that shirt--" Anya was wearing the most beautiful and pale, silky blue shirt. 

"Don't worry about it," Anya said. "I can just wash it. My shirt's perfectly fine, are _you_?"

"I didn't burn you or anything?" Raven asked. 

"Seriously, don't worry about it," Anya said. "I'm fine. Just a little soggy, it's nothing you should worry your pretty little head about, shorty." Raven's dazed head connected with only one word in that sentence. _She called me pretty!_

"I'm, uh, you have a pretty little head too," Raven said, holding tighter to Anya than she really needed to. If she was being honest, she could just stand up on her own, but she liked being held by Anya. She blinked and shook her head, trying to ignore the hotness of the senior. It wasn't like a girl like Anya would even be in Raven's league in the first place. Still, her place was just around the corner and Anya needed a new shirt... "I live nearby, if you want I could go grab a shirt for you?" 

"Really?" Anya asked. "Thanks, shorty." 

"I have to warn you, granny," Raven said, and Anya smiled at Raven's nickname for her. Raven was glad that had the effect she was hoping for. "My place isn't quite... big." 

"I don't care," Anya said. Raven mentally sighed. Looking at Anya's clothes, she guessed she was pretty rich, at the very least. She'd probably start pitying Raven for her sad, little, lonely life. If pity was a penny, then Raven would be even richer than Anya. Maybe even the richest girl in the world. Even though she didn't want pity. Not for her leg, not about her parents, not for the size of her apartment. Pity wasn't exactly useful. 

"Sure you don't," Raven muttered. 

"Anyway, shorty, show me the way," Anya asked, slowly letting go of Raven. 

"Wait, we need to pay," Raven said. Anya facepalmed. 

"Roma, can we get the check?" Anya asked, calling over their waiter. Raven was impressed -- had Anya really memorized all the people here's names? Raven had the memory of a goldfish. 

"Sure, Anya," Roma said and walked off. 

"I'll pay," Raven offered, even though she didn't really have much to spare. 

"No, I've got it," Anya said, pulling out a wallet. Raven stared at it. Anya noticed Raven staring. "Shorty, it's the polite thing. You're gonna loan me a shirt, right?" Raven nodded, although she wondered if Anya would even take the shirt. 

"I want to treat you," Raven said. It was like some romantic was taking over Raven's body and talking out of her mouth. Anya leaned over and smiled. 

"Well, you can pay for the next one, right?" Anya said as Roma came back with the check. Anya gave her a twenty. "Keep the change." Raven felt bad that she couldn't offer the same thing. Anya's phone buzzed. Raven looked over at it. A text from Lexa said, _hey anya, clarke and i are going to be out for a lot longer than i thought, can we reschedule tonight?_

"Oooh," Raven said. "Sounds like Lexa's up to something." 

"With Clarke nonetheless," Anya said. "You two good again, right?" 

"Yeah," Raven said. "Tell Lexa that you'll be busy too." Anya raised her eyebrows in a questioning gesture. "Busy with me, granny." 

"Ooh, that's how you want to play it?" Anya asked, poking Raven in the stomach. Raven opened the door for Anya, in a mock royal gesture. 

"Go ahead, my lady. I'll lead the way." Anya laughed and they headed down the street. Anya reached for Raven's hand. Raven was nervous, but she accepted it. Her face would've gone crimson if she didn't really blush. She felt like it, but it didn't really show up for her. The street was wide and the sky was shining blue. The sun was bright and everything seemed perfect. Maybe Raven would finally move on from what her shrink called the fourth stage of grief. (At this point, she could recite them in her sleep: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.) 

As Raven turned the corner, Anya got her first glimpse of Raven's apartment. 

It was a short, stubby building. It wasn't gross, exactly. Just cramped. There were four apartments on each of the three floors. The walls were made of old brick and some of the concrete was crumbling. Still, there was a ramp and a relatively cheap apartment on the first floor. She reached for the keys and opened up the front door. Anya scanned up and down the building, almost not believing what she was seeing. 

"Come on in," Raven said. 

"Is this your place?" Anya asked. "I'm sorry for sounding so shocked, it's just, you go to Polis--" 

"My mom works there," Raven said flatly. "She's on the cleaning crew and works about a million shifts so I can get a decent education. And Ark was a public school." Anya looked down at Raven's leg. "Yeah, I get disability benefits, but they're not much. Yes, I was born that way. Any questions?" 

"Not really -- you know you don't have to give me your shirt, right?" 

"Don't worry about it. i'm not that poor." Raven smiled. "Anyway, does it matter to you? Really?" 

Anya thought about it. 

"Not really. I'm sorry I was so rude," Anya replied. "I can pay you back--" 

"I don't need charity," Raven replied, but then she softened her voice. "Just treat me like you'd treat anyone else. It's not contagious-- I don't have poor cooties." Anya laughed, as Raven expected. She'd said that last bit in an amused voice. She wasn't exactly trying to protect anyone's fragility, but she was pretty sure it was just the initial surprise. 

"Oh, that would be awesome," Anya said. "Run! For I am the Cooties Queen!" 

"I'll cootie queen you!" Raven said jokingly half running after Anya, who jumped away and grinned as she kept herself one step away from Raven. She wasn't exactly taking it easy on her, which made Raven glad. Raven was actually a pretty good runner and she managed to get Anya to work up a sweat. Anya scrambled up the ramp and Raven faked to one side, lunging. Anya dashed backwards and ran down the ramp. 

They played up and down the ramp like they were children for ages. Anya only slowed enough to let herself get caught when the sun began to set. 

Raven reached for Anya's hand and tugged her backwards into her arms. 

"Oh no! I have been captured by the evil Queen of Cooties!" Anya exclaimed, breathing heavily. Raven only then felt how exhausted she was. It had been a long day. Now she was holding Anya and Anya was holding her up. Raven let her body relax into Anya's firm muscles and they were perfect. They'd played and flirted and joked all day. "You're not bad, kid, not bad." 

"Shoot, you're shirt!" Raven exclaimed, putting her strength back into her walk and looked at her apartment. 

"Don't worry about it, Raven," Anya said. Raven felt something strange come over her and she felt herself relax a second time. Raven. Anya had called her by her name, not 'kid.' "I can just wash it." 

"I..." Raven said and she found her face close to Anya's. "I want to do this again." 

She swore to herself. She could've went for a kiss. Instead, she made it sound like she was ending the whole thing. She could've started to hook up with Anya right here! Still. Maybe it would be nice to do something more than hookup. 

"Tomorrow?" Anya asked.

"Sure," Raven said. "I'll meet you after school, outside?"

"Maybe we can double date with Lexa and Clarke," Anya winked. 

"You don't even know how that went," Raven said, rolling her eyes. Even though, on the inside, she was flying a thousand miles per hour. 

"If you saw the way that Lexa was staring at Clarke, you wouldn't be so skeptical," Anya said, smiling. "I've got to head home, but why don't we exchange phone numbers?" Raven typed hers into Anya's phone. "Have a good night." 

"You too," Raven said as she watched Anya walk off.   
\--  
It was only then that she realized she hadn't been thinking about Finn for hours.


	8. Twists and Turns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've decided to divide the story into mini arcs, with the first few chapters being focused on Clexa and now going onto Ranya. I've been thinking about making the next one Linctavia, but feel free to chime in with what you want to see for the third arc in the comments! For now, Ranya.

"Why are you in such a good mood today?" Anya asked Lexa, who had the most ridiculous smile on her face. Lexa glanced back at Anya's own grin and thought, _I could ask you the same question._

"The sun's shining, the birds are chirping. What's not to like?" Lexa said instead. Anya looked out the window at the grey and foggy autumn backdrop. There wasn't a bird in sight and she didn't seem like anyone could tell where the sun was coming from. 

"Um," Anya said, gesturing at the sun, or lack there of. 

"Oh, okay, fine, Clarke and I are going on a date after school today." Anya slapped Lexa on the back, congratulatory. 

"Good job, kid. I'm glad to see you smiling again." Anya was genuinely happy for Lexa. She might be slightly distracted by Raven's face poking it's way into her thoughts, but she could still focus on her best friend. "Has all the drama between you and Titus sorted itself out?" 

"Sort of. I still think he's not just going to take this and go. I trust your opinion, what do you think he'll do?" Anya thought about it. Titus wasn't exactly a coward. Well, he was, but he wasn't the kind of coward that would take defeat and run with his tail between his legs. He was probably really pissed at Lexa for that. Either that, or expecting the rest of the school to back him up, because he's that kind of loser. 

"I don't know," Anya said after a break to think. "He might want to get revenge. It all depends on how people react." 

A sharp pain shot through Anya's side as someone jostled her to the side. She spun around to see who it was. Ontari. Of course it was. Anya massaged her side as she called out after Ontari. "Watch it!" 

"You watch where you're standing!" Ontari snapped back as she tossed her long, insufferable, ponytail over her shoulder. She was wearing some jacket with a sort of cloaklike trail, like she was some kind of superhero. _More like supervillian,_ Anya thought, annoyed. 

Lexa sighed. "That girl's got it out for you." 

"I didn't even do anything to her," Anya grumbled as she breathed in and out. "I barely even have any classes with her." 

"Didn't," Lexa said. "You didn't. You said she was in some of your classes with you yesterday, right?" Anya checked her schedule and groaned. She'd forgotten that she'd had a bunch of classes with her yesterday. 

"I've got a bad feeling about this, kid," Anya said as she unfolded her arms. 

"Isn't that a line from star wars?" Lexa asked. Anya glared at her. 

"Kid, stop ruining the moment."  
\--  
"You're Raven, right?" some senior said, stopping Raven in the hall. She nodded, wondering what this was about. "See?" she said to another person who was standing next to her. The other girl laughed, almost on cue. "I'm _so_ sorry for you." Her voice was faux sweetness and something about it made Raven really want to slug her, except she didn't want to get suspended for fighting. 

"I don't want anyone's pity," Raven replied and she tried to walk forward. The two moved to block her path and she rolled her eyes internally. This? She didn't exactly want to get in the middle of some fake pity fest. 

"Then I wouldn't recommend hanging out with Lexa and her crew," the girl told her. The other girl giggled and then shut up suspiciously. Raven suspected the first girl had nudged her somehow. "I'm Ontari." 

"I don't need someone's opinion on who I hang out with," Raven said. "Now, if you excuse me, I've got a class to attend." 

"Do you know what Lexa did?" 

"I don't really care." 

"That precious video that's going around, that was her." 

"I don't care about that. It actually ended up helping me reconcile with an old friend of mine, so if you _please_ get out of my way." 

"You don't want to get me angry with you, Rave." 

"Raven," Raven corrected her. "And by the way, Ontari? You're really getting on my nerve. I don't care about some silly struggle for popularity or whatever. I just want to get to class. I'm not in a good mood right now, so just leave me alone." 

"I don't think you understand, Rave." Ontari got closer into Raven's space. "I could do anything to you." 

"Yeah, and I can punch you in the nose. So what. I won't." Raven crossed her arms. "I won't say it again. Leave. Me. Alone." 

"I--" Ontari began before she was interrupted by Anya's voice. 

"You heard her," Anya said as she came up behind Raven. "Pick on someone your own size." Anya's voice was loud and boisterous. She towered to her full height and Raven realized how tall she really was. Ontari was already at her full height, trying to intimate Raven. Raven stepped back, to stand next to Anya. Anya offered a hand to Raven, who took it and squeezed it. Anya squeezed back, acknowledging it. 

"You?" Ontari laughed. "You think you can take me?"

"What do you even want? What's the point of intimidating some new girl out of hanging out with us? Just because your mom is on the school board doesn't mean that you can control all of us." 

_Mom on the school board?_ Raven thought, suddenly nervous. What if... no. That wouldn't happen. Even a mean girl wouldn't go that far. Ontari could be a jerk, but would she? 

"I'm only doing what you should've done ages ago." 

"Is this about Titus." Anya's voice was flat and annoyed. "This isn't the place for some petty dispute between you two and Lexa. I couldn't care less." 

"Can we just go to class now?" Raven pipped up. "Because I don't want to be late for class on the second day." 

"Go ahead, Raven. If Ontari has any issue with me, she can take it out on me and me alone," Anya said. Raven guessed that the last bit had been less for Raven's benefit and more for Ontari's. Ontari and the other girl drew away and let Raven through, who walked through the crowd towards her first period class. 

The hallway was crowded and pulsing with life. She smelled sweat and the light was too bright. It hurt Raven's eyes just to look at it. A locker slammed and the noise made Raven jump. She wasn't usually this nervous and hypersensitive, but adrenaline was coursing through her veins. She wanted to run back and take Anya with her to some fairytale land where no Ontari's and Titus's existed. Instead, there was just happily ever after. 

She entered the classroom and the room was barely fill. She sighed in relief-- she wasn't late. Octavia was sitting in the last row, bored. She was rocking her chair back and forth and fidgeting with her pencil. When she saw Raven enter the room, she waved her over. Raven headed over and sat down in the seat next to Octavia. Jasper sat on Octavia's other side. Jasper was still wearing his ridiculous goggles and some silly t-shirt. 

"Hey, Raven," Jasper said. "This place is sweet, right?" Some other new kids headed into the class room and took their sweet time picking seats. Harper was striking up a conversation with a girl from Ark that Raven didn't recognize. Raven tried to remember if Bellamy was in her homeroom, but she'd gotten distracted yesterday by thinking about Clarke -- _Clarke_. 

She had forgiven her. No question about it. But she still wanted someone to blame, someone whose fault it was... It was like she was trying to push the fault away from herself, but she always came back to herself. She sighed and rubbed her temples. She felt the telltale signs of an incoming headache. Ow. Today was going to be quite complicated. 

"Hey, Octavia," Raven said, sighing. "Hey, Jasper." 

"Are you annoyed at me?" Octavia asked. 

"No, just some Polis girl. Her name's Ontari?"

"Lexa told me about her -- she apparently used to be some kind of big shot around here before Lexa ended her reign of terror last year. The whole Titus thing is he was part of Ontari's crew, but ditched her for Lexa once she took over. When she wasn't as cruel as Ontari, he started trying to control her." 

"Is that what Lexa says?" Raven asked, wondering what Ontari would say about that. Still, Anya was so nice and Ontari was being such a jerk. It was like she actually thought Raven would be okay with being... blackmailed? It was total bullshit. She didn't like Ontari at all. 

"Yeah, it is. Did you run into her?" Octavia asked. "What happened?" 

Raven recounted the entire encounter, ending with Anya's rescue. "And then she just let me go." 

"Seems like she really doesn't want you to be friends with Anya. You know what that means you absolutely have to do, no matter what?" Raven looked at Octavia, in a curious look. "Be friends with Anya."

 _Or more..._ Raven thought.


End file.
